My Bad

I won't blame all my bad experiences on the other person. I make my fair share of dating errors. I'm really awful at first impressions (to the point that I went ahead and wrote that in my profile, because I am REALLY REALLY bad at first impressions) because I get really sarcastic and people don't yet understand my humor. So here is a collection of dumbass things I personally have said on first dates.


1. I was in Huntington visiting some friends when I agreed to meet up with a guy I'd been chatting with for awhile. He met up with us at a jazz festival and he and I agreed to go to dinner. As I was leaving, I said to my friends within his hearing (because I thought it was funny) "If you don't hear from me by 10pm, he probably killed me and left me in a ditch."  My friend texted me two minutes later asking if it was a serious concern of mine, bc they could follow us to the restaurant. The guy also made sure that I checked in with them periodically because apparently he was worried that he'd get the law called on him. The dinner was nice at least, I do like Indian food.

2. A few summers ago I played in a rec soccer league and was actually eating well, so I was in the best shape I had been in in quite awhile. A guy complimented my overall looks and I said "don't worry, once summer is over I'll go back to being fat and sassy." Which, wasn't a total lie? But maybe not the best way to win someone over.

3. When finding out you have many things in common, DO NOT say "wow, you could be my brother."  Because unless he is Joe Dirt, no one wants to date their sister.

4. "I can smell the gasoline leaking from your piece of shit car and it's giving me a headache." 

5. "I'm not really competitive" as I get pissed off and hit the putt-putt golfball completely across the parking lot.

6. "I'm ok with watching the prison show. I like when they tell you how they make shanks."

7. "I punched a clown at Cedar Point once."

8. "I really thought getting an English degree was a great idea."

9. "I work for the government. I really would have to kill you if I told you exactly what I do. And it's getting harder to hide the bodies."

10. "I hate Steelers fans."