Friend zone

I'm really bad about going into the friend zone.

You know what the friend zone is. You enjoy hanging out with someone, but you don't know if you LIKE LIKE them and/or if they LIKE LIKE you back.

Because we're twelve here, and don't know how to put feelings into words.

I seem to do this more and more over the years. Granted, I've gotten quite a few really great friendships out of it, but it's just disheartening sometimes.

In grad school I thought I was just pals with this guy from Austria (I went through this period in grad school when I was fascinated with foreigners. I was also drunk a lot. The two may or may not be tied together.).  He had the same crappy taste in movies and also had a dog. I thought we were buddies, and I was 10000% fine with that.

Until Valentine's Day.

I came home from my night class to a porch filled with gifts. A giant stuffed animal, some chocolates, a cheesy card, and a mixed cd. That's the only time anyone has ever made me a mix of my own. I don't remember what songs were on the cd but the cover was titled "From (NAME WITHHELD to Andrea: My Emotions Set to Music".

This all made me feel like an asshole.

Actually, I just realized that this happens frequently during Valentine's Day. It happened this one as well. I thought I was just buddies with someone, to check my email and see a gift certificate for a two-hour hot stone massage with the message "Would You Be My Valentine?"

If you think I'm bad at dating, you haven't seen me trying to un-date. It is a shit show.  There is a lot of talking with my hands.

It did come back to bite me in the ass though. Back in the fall I started talking to a guy (who thank goodness is still a friend) who I sorta  thought I hit it off with. We could spend hours talking about nothing. So I decided I didn't want this one to linger in the friend zone, and told him my feelings like a big girl. He didn't feel the same, we had the awkward conversation, but in the end we have been able to maintain the friendship like the successful adults we pretend to be. Lesson learned: just bc you can talk to someone doesn't mean you are compatible in that way. and by that way, i mean in the pants region.

I don't know what is the moral of this story. I guess that I can't blame all my bad dates on the crazies I go out with. I am just as much of a crazy myself.