Let's Hear it for the Average White Guy

This one could have been a good one. I really thought it could.

His profile looked promising (steady job, pets, no apparent meth habit) and the captions on his photos were funny. His main photo was listed as "Three time winner of the Average White Guy Award."

Someone who likes to make fun of themselves for the enjoyment of others? Sounds familiar.

We'd chatted back and forth on text for awhile, getting all the boring statistical information out of the way. No in depth conversations, but some people just aren't texters. And that's fine.

The first warning bell should have been when he told me that his mom owned 12 cats and he was probably going to adopt a few more himself.

I'll be the first to admit that I have two dogs whom I post way too many photos of online, so I get being the crazy pet person. I embrace being the crazy pet person. I've made Christmas cards for my friends and family showcasing how much of a crazy pet person I really am.

But even for me, aspiring to 12 cats..... that's a bit much.

But whatever, give everyone a chance, am I right?

We met for lunch at my favorite local burrito place. Hadn't been there since I got preached at on that previous date, but I thought, surely it can't be as bad.

It really is like I set myself up for these things.

Instead of being preached at for an hour, I felt like I had to be my own song-and-dance act. This guy, was painfully shy. Any question I asked I could only get single word responses back. Or just a head nod.

So I found myself telling all sorts of ridiculous stories just to have something ANYTHING to try to talk about. And I quickly realized he laughed at everything I said. Even the stuff that wasn't funny. 

I recently watched a documentary about how awful whales are being treated at SeaWorld. 
Laughter.
I'm pretty sure I have gangrene in my left food and it's probably going to fall off. Doesn't matter though, bc half my toes are completely worthless and tiny.
Laughter.
I once went on a date where I learned all about anal fissures and it has ruined my ability to feel safe while pooping.
Laughter.


It was the most exhausting date I've ever been on. But, because I want to be a nice person and not judge everyone up front I agreed to go on a second date. We went to the same place (which is fine by me, I like the food and the waitstaff don't seem to mind my antics) and it went exactly the same way. I had even taken the time to google "list of questions to ask on a date" just to get some hopeful conversation starters. The ONLY thing that I got more than two words out of was bringing up those 12 dang cats. And I'm sorry, but I am allergic. To cats and this situation.

So I gave up, went home, and took a nap. I genuinely tried here. It just wasn't in the cards for me. When he texted the next day wanting to make plans, I apologized and said that I thought he was a nice guy but I just didn't feel a connection with him in that way. Short, sweet, and to the point.

What I received in reply was like something from a Jane Austen novel. He went on about what a nice, charming, outgoing person I was and he could tell I had my life together and while I was exactly the type of woman he wanted out of life, he understood that he is not yet in a place in his own life to be able to give a woman like me what I would need. And how he aspires to be a better man who can deserve someone with as many positive qualities as I do, and that he wishes me the very best in my search as he was very sure I would find someone more my equal.

Uh. Hello, Wordy McWords, where was this guy the last two dates? Had he even vocalized a quarter of these sentiments, I absolutely would have at least tried a third date. I would have probably even taken an allergy pill to go meet his horde of felines.

I left this situation feeling very confused. He was in no way a bad guy. He really was just your Average White Guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. Average White Guys tend to be my type. I'm just an Average White Gal myself here.

I hope he does meet a nice girl that he feels comfortable talking to and has an equal love for cats.  That's not me, but I left this one feeling ok with my life choices.